A “doodle” from last year, #19. When I look online at other people’s doodles I realize that I am far from the best doodler out there. In fact, I fall very far down in the lineup. At one time–in my old life–that would have mattered to me. I would have been embarrassed to “display” my far from perfect doodles. In fact, as I look back over this past year, I realize that is part of the reason I have felt compelled to doodle and then post the doodles for the world to see.
In a sense (and without realizing it until now), along with all the better qualities I’m not opposed to offering up, I have been offering up all the things that I’ve kept “hidden behind my back” in the past; my pride (becoming vulnerable), prejudice against imperfection when it comes to my art, fear of criticism, fear of rejection regarding my opinions, fear of loosing friends who don’t share my opinions and never knew them before this, greed (could I lose business with my “serious work” because of these posts? We need the cash flow), my time for/with God–doing this has really cut into my day, how will I recoup that time for “paying” (monetarily speaking–again greed) work, and so on. . .
I don’t have a great following on this blog, and at one time that old “nobody cares, you’re wasting your time,” beast would raise its head. For months I’d have to consciously surrender that to God and eventually I came to the place where I could say and mean it–who cares! My motivation had been predominately for others, though I hate to admit it–as well as being obedient to God. Now, when I look back over this past year I realize that from God’s perspective regarding ME, these doodles had everything to do with OUR relationship. He’s been educating me and humbling me through the very thing I’ve had most of my pride attached to–my art. This is how Oswald Chambers puts it–
Is is part of our moral education to see our prejudices put to death by His providence, and to watch how He does it. God pays no respect to anything we bring to Him. There is only one thing God wants of us, and that is our unconditional surrender. . . The only way is by allowing nothing of the old life to remain, and by having only simple, perfect trust in God–such a trust that we no longer want God’s blessings, but only want God Himself. . . Once we truly see God at work, we will never be concerned again about the things that happen, because we are actually trusting in our Father in heaven, whom the world cannot see.
All I can say is–AMEN! Thank you for this journey Father.