I had NEVER kept a diary or journal of any kind! Too much I didn’t want people to know about me and no need for them to know it after I died. But back in 2003 I purchased elegant, leather bound books with lined paper inside–Costco style–a 3-pack. They were going to be Christmas gifts but I saved one for myself. I was in the midst of struggling with my beliefs and felt impressed to journal about it, to see where God took me. There are only 14 entries, the last was April 3, 2008. (You can see I’m not good at journaling) Yesterday I found it while looking for something else. I read the first post and thought of it this morning. It fits my illustration perfectly. (God’s timing) I am now going to share my first entry–and I’m not even dead–feel honored!
December 10, 2003–“Dear Jesus–I am desirous of knowing you and find myself totally overwhelmed with thoughts bombarding me from every direction. I cannot know You and continue being bombarded. I NEED You to bring a peace and confidence over me. A reassurance that the Holy Spirit is leading. I ask that You hedge me about with Your Holy angels and protect me from bombardment. I ask that You do this EVERY day that I pick up Your Word to learn more about You. And that when I read Your Word it becomes real to me–a sweet savor to my heart and mind–a refreshing to my soul–a reassurance of Your working in my life–a closer understanding of Your character.”
“Then I ask that You help me see clearly what You want me to do with it. Guide me through Your Word and give me insight–then give me courage to step out and tell the world. I feel impressed that You want me to use my talents for the spreading of the Gospel…I also believe I need a true balance and understanding of Your Gospel to convey it correctly. I place those plans at your feet and ask that You’ll please lead me in the way you want me to go. I am only Your humble servant–so capable of misunderstanding, selfish endeavors and of pushing ahead in a direction that I want to go. Please keep me in Your will and open the doors of opportunity that You want me to have. Give me wisdom to know which paths to pursue and most importantly, give me the will to walk down that path.”
“Many years ago I begged You to make me a pure light–after my name’s sake. (small note: My first name means ‘pure’ my middle ‘light’) I feel you’ve been leading me in that direction. Many trials and blessings have come my way since then and I thank you that You’ve been by my side guiding all the way. I believe You are continuing to guide. Please open my mind even more so that I can see You even more clearly and also so You can be seen through me more clearly. I lay myself at your feet to do with what You will and claim Your promise that You will complete what You have begun in me. I commit my gift of art to You and ask that You use me and it to convey Your simple gospel. Use my mind and hands, please. I’ve waited many years to use it for You–I am asking that You now reveal the purpose of that gift and that You increase it accordingly in order to illustrate what You want me to illustrate–namely the Gospel in picture form….I love you Lord.”
A lot has happened between now and then but I believe God put those words in my heart to write and God led me to read them again yesterday. His way of reminding me of His presence in my life’s journey and His hand in opening and closing doors in fulfillment of my prayer to Him 12 years ago.
A quick synopsis: I was able to quit my job to work as an artist in 2006 (faux finishing/muralist), last year I quite that business due to injury, burnout and feeling I’d tempted fate 20-feet up in the air long enough, I spent 2014 experimenting with, evaluating and writing about my art. Attempting to discover where my focus would be in fine art. In October I felt compelled to start ‘doodling’ my devotionals. Not for the purpose of sharing but for purely selfish reasons–learn how to loosen up and illustrate children’s poetry for my husband. Then I felt impressed to share them on Facebook, then a blog, and now, 133 doodles later, I believe this is a direct answer to the above journal post. Every day I pray that something I doodle or say brings light to someone and helps them on their own life journey. God places dreams in us and in turn He asks us to start stepping out in faith toward that dream–to move. Yes, there have been many daydreaming days for me, much questioning and insecurities, then finally, I was reminded…”TAKE A STEP!” If God is in it and for me–what am I afraid of?! So today, I encourage you, take a step of faith and see where God takes you…trust Him with your dreams! Oh, and don’t forget to keep notes on the way–at least once a year or every other year. Then look at them once in a while, they will only reaffirm that God is in your steps.